I have been thinking a lot recently about people who pass on items to their younger family members. Whether it’s a child, niece, cousin, or grandchild, sometimes people are forced to take things that they wouldn’t necessarily want. Maybe it’s out of guilt, maybe it’s because the item gets left behind when someone passes away, or maybe, like in my case, it’s because my mother can’t make the decision to toss the items. These are all totally understandable. Whatever the case, when those items are passed along, they become either a blessing or a burden. So, how do we handle this situation? In my case, with a lot of patience and some grace sprinkled in.
If you’ve read my previous blogs, you know that my grandma passed away a year and a half ago. My mother and I spent a good amount of time going through the house and making decisions on what to keep, what to donate, and what to toss. Although my mom is not particularly sentimental, there were some things that she just could not make decisions for. And I told her, “It’s okay, Mom. Please don’t rush to toss things. Once they are gone, they are gone.” So, with that as a reminder, I realize that what is left is ALL that is left from my grandparents’ house.
I was talking to my husband about this the other day. What do you do with the items that are left behind that someone can’t make decisions about? He coined the term, “sentimental debt” and I think it’s fitting! In my situation, the items that are left are a good mix of things that we have memories from. The challenge is that for a lot of the items left, they are memories for my mom, but not for me. So, what is the thoughtful thing to do? Hold not only the memories, but the items, for my mom. My mom couldn’t make decisions about them. My sisters and I will hold on to the “sentimental debt” until the time is right. Hopefully, we will be able to let go of the cowgirl suit that my grandpa made for my mother when she was a little girl. She loved it when she wore it, but ultimately, it’s HER memory, not mine.
In the end, we probably all have things in our spaces that we feel connected to, but we may also have things that are a byproduct of a family member passing them on to us. My guess is that my mom will never ask about that western wear outfit. But if she does? Well, we are keeping that memory and item safe for her until it’s time for us to let it go. I hope that if you have some sentimental debt in your life, you can be patient and kind with not only the item, but the person attached to it.
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